Why I write

A meditation on #1000WordsOfSummer and a welcome prompt

Yesterday I traveled to Western NC, the place that holds my heartbeat in its hands, to attend an event for #1000WordsOfSummer with Jami Attenberg at the Flatiron Writer’s Room. The group assembled like the Avengers. Some of us are new to our powers, others are more settled into who they are as writers and their creative process.

After an introduction to the space, Jami spoke about #1000WordOfSummer and how it came to fruition. Writers are a solitary bunch, often introverted, stuck in our heads, always thinking about the words, and we spend a lot of time alone. Not the easiest way to build community, but at least we always have something to talk about. But for the two weeks 1000 Words is active, well, we are now 50k strong. That is community in spades.

At the end of our talk, Jami encouraged us to write, and she also shared a prompt we could use, which is the direction I wound up going in.

“Why do you write?”

I’ve thought about this a great deal over the years, but have never actually put pen to paper to write about the whys. Instead of grabbing my laptop, I reached for my journal and found myself in a state of almost instant flow. I love reaching flow, but it can be complicated because I do not remember most of what I write, which left me reaching when Jami asked what I learned about myself during this exercise.

The trip home was spent with the radio off, talking out loud to the universe, about writing, life, grief, and community as I sped down the interstate to my home in the suburbs.

I woke up thinking about this prompt. Spent morning meditation with this prompt lingering in the liminal space between presence, emotional healing, and ego. I never knew four words could have such a profound effect. Much like when Tony told me he loved me for the first time, and I rolled those words and his voice over and over in the deepest parts of my soul with the knowledge I had come to a home I had never known, one that would leave me forever changed.

Photo by Sage Friedman on Unsplash

I’m pulling out an excerpt of the ten pages I have written, verbatim, here. From my journal - the place that is secret and holds my most deeply felt fears, heartbreak, hopes, and dreams. I hope it resonates with you as much as it did me. If you like, leave me a comment below and share your why with me.

Why I Write

“I’m at Flatiron Writers in Asheville with Jami Attengberg, and she gave us a prompt to use if we choose: ‘Why do you write?’

Why do I write?

It’s certainly not for the fame, or the glory, or the money.

I write because I don’t have a choice but to write. I write to heal. I write to tell the stories I have always wanted to tell. To be seen. To see others. To live my life as a full human who has never been able to truly express myself the way I want. In a life filled with distractions and the constant pinging from social media, email, and my phone, to go deeper into myself and this world in a way I have never done before.

To hear God or to hope that I hear Him. Because when I am in a state of flow, it feels as if He has wrapped His love around me and I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. That I am the person on the page and the ink is my lifeblood, flowing out of me, pure and honest, the words a download from heaven, and it is unlike any heaven on earth I will ever know.

It is manna, and there are times the harvest is hot and back-breaking, when drought has taken hold of the land, and you have to work harder to nourish the crops. Yet, you also have to remember when to let the fields lie fallow.

I have been in a fallow period for too long. Death does that to a person, especially when that death takes your soul with it, and you feel like God has forgotten you.

But the words are here again, so maybe God hasn’t forgotten me at all, but maybe I’m remembering who I am.

Photo by Emmanuel Ikwuegbu on Unsplash